Chasing Shadows
by Heart Full of Elves
Summary: A sequel to There Was No Hope, I guess. I don't believe in an afterlife, but Archie and Horatio's relationship is too tragic for them to never see each other again after Archie's death. Here they are in the afterlife. If you like, listen to Chasing Shadows by Shakira while reading. For eglantinebr.


After a few years, it had all been too much. An ordinary man would have been content – happy even – with a wife and child and a shining career. But Horatio Hornblower was no ordinary man, and even though in others' eyes he had it all, the one thing he was missing tore his heart in two. The _one_ he was missing.

It was no wonder that he took to drinking and gambling, an effort to make the pain go away. He lost money fast, and when his so-called friends came for him, he made no attempt to fight back. He let them take their revenge on his body.

And so it was that Horatio Hornblower died an undignified death in an alley in the dead of night. He had lost all hope, lost the will to go on living. Perhaps his death for the best, because he could not go on without his beloved.

_Archie._

* * *

Darkness surrounded him. He floated in this darkness, a sensation that felt oddly like swimming. He realised with a jolt where he was. He had died, so this must be the afterlife. And if this were the afterlife, then surely _he_ would be here too

He whispered his lover's name into the darkness, hoping like he had never hoped before that there would be a response.

_Archie…_

_…Archie…_

When nothing happened after what felt like minutes, but could have been any amount of time at all – did time even exist anymore? – he panicked. Where was he? Where was Archie? He needed his Archie. Couldn't live without him. Wouldn't it be ironic if they couldn't even be united in death?

_Archie? It's me, Horatio… Are you there?_

A light appeared in the distance. After so long in the dark, it hurt his eyes and he blinked – was that a shadow? It definitely looked like a shadow had passed in front of the light. Could it be…? The shadow came again, and this time he didn't blink, but chased after it and grabbed it.

The light grew brighter and Horatio could not believe his eyes. He had been looking for him, and yet it was somehow a surprise to see him at last. He'd found him, after all that time.

"Archie," he said with love in his voice, not daring to make a move.

"Horatio." Archie beamed his golden smile. Then the smile faltered. "But why are you here? You can't be dead too!"

"I am dead. And I died with less honour than you."

"I didn't die with honour…"

"Exactly." It was then that Horatio couldn't keep up the act anymore. Everything was not fine, not fine at all, and how could he pretend otherwise?

"I don't know why I did it," his voice broke. "I knew that it was a betrayal, but I did it anyway. I married a girl," he explained for Archie's benefit. "And it was a sham of a marriage. I didn't love her – I just wanted to repay her kindness."

Archie listened passively, knowing not to judge. His life had not been perfect either; he had made mistakes too.

"Every day, every bloody single day, I woke up and wanted you. I missed you every second of every day, and still I betrayed you. I married someone else, just months after I told you that I wished I could marry you. I don't expect you to forgive me for my betrayal; I couldn't even forgive myself."

Archie wiped the tears off Horatio's cheeks, not saying a word. Horatio needed to talk, needed to be listened to. Archie would give him the silent support he needed. He was used to that.

"It was just so wrong! _I_ was so wrong, to do such a thing and think it would be fine. It was not fine at all. I couldn't do it, Archie – I couldn't live without you." Horatio cupped his best friend and lover's face.

"So what happened?" Archie asked. His voice was a gentle whispered. He took Horatio's hand and kissed the palm, looking into Horatio's eyes the whole time.

"I lost the will to live." Horatio looked down, ashamed of himself. "I started drinking and gambling. I was never there for my wife and child, and I didn't want to be there for them. I wanted to be anywhere but there. I just wanted – needed – you at my side." He started fiddling to distract himself from the shame. He just hoped that Archie wouldn't judge him.

"One night, I was so in debt that I had nothing to give those who were supposed to be my friends. They had to take something from me, they said. They chose to take my life." Horatio sobbed, but it wasn't because he had died. Rather, it was because of the way he had died – without honour, without dignity, without anything to his name but a title.

He'd been haunted every day of his married life by his and Archie's words, words said one night in a room in an inn. He'd said, _"I wish I could marry you."_ And then, right before they'd made the best love in their live, Archie had said, _"You, Horatio Hornblower, are the love of my life. Nothing could change that." _

Horatio remembered.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, I love you Archie, I'm really sorry. I don't know why I –"

Archie cut him off. "Stop. It's alright. Everything's alright. I love you and that's never changed. I forgive you." He kissed Horatio. "I forgive you and I love you. I missed you, floating all alone in the darkness. It was dark and cold and lonely. I could only hope that someday you would find me. And you did."

Horatio smiled. "I'm here, my love. I am here."

And then they kissed. And then they were made whole.


End file.
